Thursday, June 1, 2017

I am literally watching muscle turn to fat as I still sit here and sulk! ...but Joy will be coming.

{Why don't you go ahead and use that sleeve for a napkin.}
They wanted to eat their breakfast of bagels on the front porch.

The past couple of days have been dreamy. It's nice to have windows open and sun shining.

A short, unexpected afternoon downpour...

....brought a rainbow.

He cried when it disappeared.
"I don't want da wainbow to go aaaaway"

Ugh...I am still recovering from miscarrying and having a D&C.
This turned out to be worse than I expected {physically}...and I am tired of "taking it easy".

I am not a take it easy person..I'm not.
Yes, God is {trying} to teach me be joyful.grateful.

I'm just not being a very good learner this week!
In this class, I'm getting BIG FAT F!!!

I let myself be immersed in sulky-ness.
I am acting very first world..really, if you heard me..oh boy.
I can hardly stand myself to be honest.

I thought I would be feeling a bit better by now..and I sort of am, but I'm also not.
Nights are bad. That's when everything from the day....
{even though I don't do anything major in the day!}...seems to catch up with me.
..and then ouch.

For the first time in my LIFE! I filled and took prescription pain medication.
I am a take-a-Tylenol-once-every-18 months kind of person...I hardly ever take anything.
This ordeal has not been fun. and I've even doubled up on doses.

I've been reading Erin Harrison's ..Living Virtuously sister gave it to me a while back.
Incredible book!

I read. I feel convicted. I close the book with a new attitude...for about 5 minutes. Ha!
....and then like a the proverb says, I return to my vomit.
Gross I know, but I just keep returning.

All this to say....I am working on having true Joy.
I know that sounds about as convincing as Kathy Griffin's apology...
...but I really am working at it.

I'm thankful for fresh starts and forgiveness and chocolate mint iced tea.
{See what being thankful does to your soul?
...I already sound like a nicer person and it hasn't even been a paragraph.}

..and truly, it is a choice.
We make the choice to find contentment. Sometimes it's easy..sometimes it's not.
...but it's a whole lot easier when we let God work in our hearts!



  1. Hey sometimes things are just crappy. Don't be too hard on yourself because you know what? As a believer you always have that joy--even in the midst of sorrow the joy is there. He loves you so much. Praying for you!!

  2. ♡♡♡♡♡ love you!


  3. It's okay to grieve. It doesn't mean that we don't trust God. Miscarriages are so hard physically, and emotionally. Give yourself time. You will get through it!