Inside my brain for 30 minutes....will you please stop with the tortilla chips already!

Tortilla chip breath.
Salsa breath.
Smacking.
Crunching.
Chatting.
Joining me.
One and a half tiny inches between us.
Peering over my shoulder.
My privacy is gone now.
I think a piece of chewed chip was just spit onto my keyboard...
"What's that a picture of mom?" says hot chip breath.

I want to be alone right now.
I can't be alone right now.

My nerves...they feel fried.
I'm internally twitching and having a breakdown privately in my head.
I look calm on the outside...it's a lie.

The crunching is getting louder even though it's staying the same...crunch, chew, ChoMP CHOMP!!!
It's like the Chinese Water Torture with tortilla chips.

Is it bedtime yet?
It's still three hours away. THREE WHOLE HOURS AWAY!!!

I thought putting a movie on would give me free time on this quiet corner of the couch.
Who was I kidding?
Only myself.
They all want to sit by me. No one is even watching the movie.
Why am I popular?
I am a celebrity in this house.

I moved into the dining room now...one of the chip breaths has followed me.
Make that two chip breaths....aaaaaand here comes the littlest mister.
The movie is on and no one is watching.

They have gathered around me.
I keep switching windows on my computer so they don't see what I am writing.
I was writing on marriage...but now I am writing this.
But I can only write this a little at a time because they are surrounding me and reading.

I am engulfed.
And they can read.
Why did I teach them how to read anyway?

Little hands just went into my freshly poured glass of water.
Yum.

"You're a nice mom."
Really? You had to say that now? ...great, I feel bad.
Mom guilt.
"You are a nice daughter." I say.
I mean it.

I click onto Pinterest so things look casual...everyone joins me.
Of course.
"Who's baby is that? Wait, can I see that? Who is singing? What does that say?"

I want to scream.... I JUST WANT TO WRITE FOR 5 MINUTES!
I don't scream.
Why? I could, right?
I feel bad telling them to go away.
So I don't.

They just want to be by me.
They want my company.

My life feels like a community life.
Everyone is welcome to it.

I love them. I really, really love them.
They are my life.
They are amazing.
They are such a huge blessing.

But sometimes... SOMETIMES....a mom just needs a few minutes to herself.
XxOo


{*all photos taken this weekend around our house}